[Paris France] The 2024 Paris Olympics are set to be the most politically correct games yet, and it’s not just the athletes who are feeling the heat—quite literally. In a bid to showcase their commitment to sustainability, the organizers have decided to limit electricity in the athletes’ village. This means that after a grueling day of competition, athletes will be forced to conserve energy, potentially leaving them in the dark both figuratively and literally. Imagine Usain Bolt trying to recharge his electric scooter while being told to pedal a stationary bike for power.
But that’s just the beginning of the Woke-lympics. The games have introduced several new events designed to reflect today’s hyper-conscious social climate. One such event is the “Recycling Relay,” where teams race to sort a pile of recyclables correctly while dodging penalties for placing plastics in the wrong bin. The event is a nail-biter, with judges meticulously inspecting every item for contamination. Just imagine the excitement of seeing an athlete disqualified for mistakenly tossing a compostable fork into the plastics pile.
Another crowd-pleaser is the “Carbon Footprint Marathon,” where athletes compete to see who can complete the course with the smallest carbon footprint. Competitors must navigate the track using only sustainable transportation methods—solar-powered scooters, bamboo bicycles, and even good old-fashioned running. The highlight of the event comes when athletes, clad in hemp uniforms, pause to plant trees along the route to offset their emissions.
In the “Woke Weightlifting” event, competitors must not only lift heavy weights but also deliver impassioned speeches about body positivity and environmental justice. Points are awarded not just for physical strength but for the ability to inspire the audience with heartfelt monologues about inclusivity and sustainability. The Russian lifter who quotes Greta Thunberg while deadlifting 200 kg is sure to bring the house down.
Adding to the woke hilarity, the Olympic Committee has banned certain songs from the after-parties to ensure no one is offended. Aerosmith’s “Dude Looks Like a Lady” and Shania Twain’s “Man! I Feel Like a Woman!” are strictly off-limits. Apparently, these classics have been deemed too controversial for the modern, enlightened Olympic celebration. So, if you were hoping to bust a move to these tunes after the Recycling Relay, you’re out of luck.
As the 2024 Games approach, it’s clear that political correctness has taken center stage. The spirit of the Olympics, once focused on athletic excellence and global unity, has been overshadowed by a relentless pursuit of social virtue. Athletes and spectators alike are left wondering what other woke surprises await. Will we see a “Vegan Cooking Competition” where competitors make protein-rich dishes from insects, lentils and kale? Or perhaps a “Gender-Neutral Fashion Show” featuring athletes in unisex eco-friendly attire? The possibilities are endless—and endlessly amusing.
So, while the Woke-lympics may not feature the traditional thrills of yesteryear, they promise a unique blend of athleticism, virtue signaling, and unintentional comedy. Here’s to a games like no other—where saving the planet and political correctness are just as important as winning gold
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