We are wealthy!
My darling bride — of 46 years, 4 months, and 13 days — and I recently returned from our two week vacation in Greece, and we saw many amazing and beautiful places.
Americana
The Tomato Picker and the Nice Guy
Once, there were two men. They were very different guys. They looked different. Had dissimilar backgrounds. They even smelled different.
“Tell Them,” She Said
She was 94. She came through the meet-and-greet line after my one-man shipwreck. She waited her turn patiently, while I ran my mouth, signed books, and kissed babies.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Our little white van rolls into the Walmart Supercenter in Raleigh, North Carolina. My wife and I step out and stretch our muscles in the parking lot.
“Sandwiches?” my wife says.
“Yep,” I reply.
The Big Bang of Bristol
The rest of the world has gone techno. Even country music has succumbed to the wiles of the “scrolling generation.” But in Bristol, it’s still the 1920s.
Yesterday, I Set Out to Change America
It was only an experiment. I wanted to see if I could change America in only one day by being the nicest person on earth for 24 hours.
Gotcha Day
We did not choose Otis. We let our oldest dog, Thelma Lou pick him out. She was just a puppy. We felt strongly that Thelma deserved to choose her own brother since, after all, she would be the one stuck sniffing his butt for the next 12 years.
O Brother
Dan Lovette became an usher at the Baptist church on Easter Sunday, March 26th, 1961. He stood at the door shaking hands, passing out bulletins. Nobody knew Dan.
The Reason Jimmy Kimmel Is Now Unemployed.
Jimmy Kimmel was not fired because ABC was threatened with censorship. He was fired because his presence threatens to cost ABC a fortune.
The Daisy Red Ryder: America’s Favorite Way to Almost Shoot Your Eye Out
Forget iPads, TikTok, and whatever overpriced “educational STEM toy” parents are guilt-tripped into buying today. For three generations of American kids, nothing screamed freedom, danger, and backyard glory like the Daisy Red Ryder BB gun.
Sweat the Small Stuff
When you drink your coffee this morning, DRINK your coffee. Pay attention to EVERY SIP. Really taste it. The Norman Rockwell book that’s been on your coffee table since the Punic Wars so that it’s almost invisible to you. LOOK at it.
The Kid On The Plane
This story was told to me. And now I am telling it to you. The young man was boarding a plane. He was pierced with all manner of shiny rings, covered in a quiltwork of tattoos. His hair was long. He wore black leather. Lots of zippers. He looked like an outsider. And he went to a lot of trouble to look that way.
Reflections on a Philadelphia Summer
Would you agree to attend meetings for an entire hot, humid Philadelphia summer, from March 15 through September 17, without a working air conditioner in the conference room? That’s hard, but we’re not done.
A Few Remarks
READER: I want to propose to my girlfriend, but I can’t seem to find the words, I am not a writer. Do you have any advice for me?
SEAN: ChatGPT.
Angel of War
Mister William was old when I interviewed him years ago. Ancient, actually. Mid-nineties. Bent and pale. “It was World War II,” William began. “I was in Italy…”
Kiss An Angel Good Morning
“Hi, Sean…” the email began. “…I just read your article in the newspaper about angels! No offense, but I laughed the whole way through. I cannot believe, in the 21st Century, humans still believe in angels. I am still laughing at you!”
A Story About a Mom
She was a cleaning woman. Two kids. One cat. She was going under, fast. She could not afford this month’s rent. The landlord was already preparing to kick her out. She was working from can to can’t…
These Boots Were Made for Texting
How I ended up walking into a sliding glass door in a supermarket is pretty simple. I got a text from my wife. I looked at my phone to read the message and, WHAM! Goodbye nasal cartilage.
Advice For Young Raccoons
Charlotte is a student at West Virginia University. The 19-year-old emailed me asking for relationship advice concerning her ex-boyfriend, John, who once hurt her very badly. Tragically, I don’t give advice. But I can tell you a story, Charlotte.