The Great Shipwreck
Anna and her four young daughters were on a trip to England on the SS Ville du Havre. It was a French steamship. All iron. Built like a tank. Except, of course, tanks weren’t around yet. This was 1873.
Sean Dietrich
Marriage School
So the idea was: After eight weeks of rigorous marriage training, couples would receive an official certificate, trimmed in gold, with their names on it. And this certificate would prove to the world, without a doubt, that couples were spiritually, and emotionally prepared to take the multiple choice exam in the back of the book.
Welcome To Buc-ee’s: The greatest commodes on earth
Buc-ee’s convenience store sits outside Athens, Alabama, like a giant squatting beaver.
This Texas-based gas station place is not a mere gas station. Buc-ee’s is a dwarf planet. You’re looking at Six Flags Over Circle K.
Chasing the Ghost of Pikes Peak: We Meet at the Summit
My dad was a runner. He started just before I was born. One day after work, they say he came home and decided it was time to quit smoking and start jogging. He stabbed out his smoldering cigarette and he tore off running, right then. He finished the cigarette later that evening.
Long Live Pepito’s: The death of a Mexican restaurant
It was our place. That’s what it was. I grew up in a little fishing village, nestled in the Florida Panhandle.
This was long before the tattoo parlors, before the T-shirt shops, before Whole Foods and Bass Pro.
Meet Eli Hill: The greatest kid you’ll never meet
This morning I walked into a drugstore in downtown Nashville and bought three sacks of blue raspberry Dum-Dums.
The cashier looked at me funny. She casually asked why I was buying so many blue raspberry suckers.
So I told her a story.
Never Met a Man I Didn’t Like
I had a dream last night. It was a vivid dream. I was in a perfect place. A realm of unspeakable beauty. It was the kind of dream where anything could happen. The kind of dream where anyone could show up.
Anyone, such as, for example, Will Rogers.
Sweet Georgia Barbecue
Columbus, Georgia. I was eating at a barbecue joint not far from the state line. My cousin, John, insisted that this joint serves the best barbecue in the state of Georgia. He made me promise to try it.
Where You Come From: A Modern Roadside Parable
There was an old man sitting outside the dusty bar. He sat in a plastic lawn chair. There was a dog with him. The dog was either asleep or dead.
He was whittling a stick for no reason—the old man, not the dog. This is what old men did before TikTok.
Dreamers in Avondale: About my old man
I’m in Avondale Park. I’m watching random kids play baseball. The kids pepper the field. Gloves on their knees.
“Hey, batta batta batta!” they all chant. They look like third graders. The third-baseman looks like he has to go pee.
A Mother’s Love: There is nothing like it
“I am a little old woman who lives in an assisted living facility…” her email began.
Her following message was about the length of “War and Peace.” She is a woman who is as sweet as Karo syrup. But—and I mean this respectfully—brevity is not her strong suit. Reading her email took me three or four presidential administrations.
“I had a baby when I was fourteen…” she wrote.
The Phone Call
Margie answered her phone. “Hello?”
“Hello?” said a girl’s voice. “Someone told me your husband worked on old cars?”
The Queen of Savannah
Tonight, we walk the streets of Savannah with royalty. Traffic does not part when she walks by. Her unwitting subjects, trudging along the sidewalks, do not pay her a genuflecting glance. When they see her, they do not even recognize her sacred station. But they smile just the same. For one cannot help but smile at royalty.
Some Good: A few friends you might like
The old dog was found walking on the highway. She had no name. No home. Nobody.
The guy who found her was a guy we’ll call Peter. I call him this because this is his name.
The Woman Who Tried to Die
It happened in Washington, the Evergreen State. It was late. There was a woman about to kill herself. She was young. Standing on the ledge of an overpass. Holding a stuffed animal. Hair blowing in all directions. She was really going to do it.
America’s Future
I knew something was wrong when we walked into our hotel room. Namely, because our toilet had blinking lights.
I called the front desk.
“Hello. There’s something wrong with my toilet.”
“What’s wrong, sir?”
“There are lights on it.”
Uncle Sam’s Children
I was late for a plane when I saw him. The freckled kid was in uniform. Operational camouflage combat fatigues. Reverse-flag patch on the right shoulder. High and tight haircut.
Oxford, Alabama
Four guys. Four ordinary guys. Our band arrived at the Oxford Performing Arts Center theater early for soundcheck.
The theater production crew was waiting for us. The soundmen were huddled onstage for a pre-show briefing. The ushers were looking over seating charts. The ladies in the ticket booth were smiling. The beverage vendors were icing down the Mick Ultra.
Of Life and Heinz Ketchup
I miss glass bottles. I come from a generation of glass. And therein lies a fundamental difference between my generation and the current one.
A Woman Named Honey
Her name is Honey. She is in the meet-and-greet line after one of my shows. She holds one of my books. White hair. Tiny frame. Maybe five-foot.