Bless Their Hearts (And Their Caps Lock)
Sean answers his mail, more graciously than should be expected.
Sean Dietrich
Good!
A gas station. Rural east Texas. A young man sits in front of the ice machine, and he’s babbling nonsense. He is shirtless. He is dirty. People pass him as they walk into the convenience store.
But one old man doesn’t.
The Room Full of Adolescence: A Few Bars of Human Connection
I was in a hotel with a few hundred Mennonites.
I walked into the hotel at noon. At first, I was confused inasmuch as the lobby was full of cape dresses, plain suits, and broad-brimmed hats. Some of the older men had beards, some were clean-shaven. The women wore head coverings.
I thought maybe I’d taken a wrong turn on the interstate.
Tiny Hat and Heavy Heart: A Stranger In The Synagogue
Dearly Beloved,
Today is Yom HaShoah. The Jewish holy day for remembering the Holocaust. And I must admit, dear friends, standing before you all, here in this beautiful synagogue, wearing this tiny hat, I am feeling very out of place. And humbled.
Bedside Manner: A Message from the Other Side
She helped people die. Or maybe you’d say she helped them transition to the other side—whatever that means. She’s not a big believer in “the other side.”
Either way, she’s been helping people pass away for a long time. She has seen more death than most.
Ride ‘em Cowboy: Notes From a Grown-Up Little Boy
6 million Americans watched the historic event on television. The Orion spacecraft, named Integrity, is estimated to return to Earth at 8:07 P.M. The little boy who lives inside me can hardly contain himself.
I Taught a Robot to Drawl; One Man’s Conversation with the Future
My first concept of robots came from watching The Jetsons before school in my underpants. My boyhood morning routine consisted of sitting on the sofa in my tighty-whities, eating Cap’n Crunch, watching television, and listening to my mother say, “Get those underpants off my couch, Mister!”
Aisle Six at Lake Martin: Conversations with a Mallard
I like ducks. I watch the same two mallards visit this area of Lake Martin. Almost every morning.
I don’t know if they’re married. Ducks are seasonally monogamous. So this could just be a one-season stand.
Still, they are my friends. I guess they’re here to find food. Sort of like going to Piggly Wiggly with your spouse, minus the buggy, and the rolling of your spouse’s eyes whenever one of you places six jars of something you don’t need into the basket because it’s BOGO.
The Name Game
The night I was born, my mother took me into her arms and decided that she was going to name me Elvis.
My aunt recalls: “Your mama loved Elvis. Plus, you were a Capricorn, you know. Elvis and Jesus were Capricorns.”
The Prophet of the Publix Parking Lot
“Yeah, I got a story for you,” said the old woman in the nursing home.
She had midnight skin, dandelion-fuzz hair, and she smoked Newports. Each day she liked to park her wheelchair in the parking lot where she could face the supermarket, and watch all the happy customers walk in and out of Publix.
Shutting Up My Monkey Brain: How Walking 500 Miles Taught Me to Pray
My wife and I are in training mode. We walk 10 or 12 miles, several times per week, practicing for our second Camino. We will walk across Spain soon, and we need to get in shape.
The Gospel According to Squirt: Lessons From a 200-Year-Old Turtle
Hello. I am a sea turtle. We turtles don’t actually have names. But you can call me Squirt. Pleased to meet you.
Maybe you’ve never met a talking sea turtle before. Well, I’d like to change that.
The Atheists of 250 A.D.
The year is 250 A.D. It’s Good Friday. Although, technically, there is no “Good Friday.” Not for another hundred years.
Brilliant Redheads
How I dropped my phone into the depths of Lake Martin is still a great and confusing mystery which evidently involves beer.
The International What?
I had a toy rocket when I was a kid. It was made of plastic. The word NASA was printed on it. It was a Saturn V rocket, king daddy of all rockets. The same one that took men to the moon. My GI Joe doll could ride it like a horsey.
The Mourning Scroll, Because It’s Too Early to Read In All Caps
Coffee is ready. Pour said coffee. Check my phone. Look at emails. The first subject line attracts my attention. “YOU ARE NOT A TRUE AMERICAN IF YOU DON’T READ THIS!!!”
I want to be a true American, but for the next few minutes I’ll have to settle for being a fallacious one. Namely, because it’s a little early to be reading anything in all caps.
The Best Barbecue You’ve Never Heard Of: Cherry Wood, Catholic Bears, and Hoosier Gold
We crossed the Indiana state line at noon. It was sunny. Cloudless. The springtime air was dry and pleasant, smelling of apples, IndyCar, and Hoosiers.
Life Itself
This morning I started thinking about you. Mainly, I was thinking about what you’re going through right now. Whoever you are. I don’t know you. I don’t know anything about you. But in a way we know each other because you and I aren’t that different.
FACE VALUE: Your Mom and Your Muscles Want You to Smile
My mother always told me to smile. Especially when I didn’t want to. She often told me to smile when I was sad, when trying on school clothes, or whenever I was forced to eat beef liver at gunpoint.