Satire
In a stunning move that has left military historians and alumni speechless, West Point has decided to revamp its storied motto from “Duty, Honor, Country” to a more modern, if somewhat controversial, “Neglect, Dishonor, Betrayal.” This change, reportedly aimed at attracting more funding, promises to usher the academy into a new era of unapologetic realism.
The decision came after extensive consultation with a focus group of armchair gray bearded generals who served only in peacetime wearing rainbow armbands. “We realized that the old values were just a bit too aspirational for today’s cadets,” said a spokesperson for the academy. “In an age where everyone’s just trying to get ahead by any means necessary, we thought it was time to be brutally honest about what it takes to succeed in the world.”
Gone are the days when cadets were expected to maintain rigorous schedules and impeccable discipline. The new ethos embraces a more relaxed approach. “Neglect is just another word for prioritizing what really matters – like binge-watching Netflix or perfecting your social media game,” explained a senior officer. This shift means cadets can now major in Procrastination Studies and minor in Strategic Incompetence.
Honor is so last century. In today’s competitive landscape, cutting corners and bending rules aren’t just survival tactics – they’re strategies for success. The academy will offer courses like “Advanced Deception” and “Ethical Evasion 101,” preparing cadets for real-world scenarios where truth and integrity are merely obstacles to overcome. If you ain’t cheating; then you ain’t trying hard enough…
And then there’s betrayal. No longer seen as a dirty word, betrayal is rebranded as a sophisticated skill set. The curriculum will include modules on “Strategic Backstabbing” and “The Fine Art of Double-Crossing.” The idea is to train cadets in the delicate balance of pretending to be loyal while preparing to jump ship the moment things get tough. The current commander in chief has perfected this art with the help of West Point graduates at the US State Department, as his actions in Afghanistan and Israel have demonstrated.
In light of these exciting changes, West Point is calling on its alumni for financial support. “We need your money to build state-of-the-art facilities, these old buildings are…well… old. We need new lipstick on a pig, where cadets can perfect their skills in negligence, dishonor, and betrayal,” the spokesperson urged. “Your donations will help us cultivate a new generation of leaders who are prepared to thrive in a world where traditional values are, let’s face it, kind of a joke.” Expect junk mail, pestering emails and verbal assaults by classmates should you decide not to freely give your money; because you’re selfish and don’t care for others.
So, if you’re a proud West Point alum, it’s time to dig deep and support your alma mater’s bold new direction. After all, who needs duty, honor, and country when you can have neglect, dishonor, and betrayal? Send your checks and sign over your IRA accounts and remember them in your will. Remember the future of military leadership depends on your generosity, it’s not the governments responsibility – and perhaps a bit of your willingness to look the other way and allow the 1802 outdated values and principles to die.
(Note: This article is satirical and meant for humor. West Point has not changed its motto, just the mission).
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