Questions
I receive a lot of questions. They come in the form of emails, private messages, subpoenas, etc. I cannot answer them all, but I am able to answer a few.
Sean Dietrich
December Birthdays
Mama asks if I’m having a good birthday. I nod. But I don’t mean it. I’m quiet. I’m always quiet. Ever since my father died several years ago, I just stay quiet. I don’t know why. Not much to say, I guess.
An Appalachian Winter
Visiting an Appalachian Walmart at 8 o’clock in the evening is unlike any other experience. Rural Appalachian dwellers are unique unto themselves. Cautious of outsiders. Not always friendly. They have trust issues.
After 15 Years
I’m saddened that there is a video of me circulating the internet, playing a banjo, with 7 million views, where the majority of commenters are labeling me a racist.
Amazing Grace
This church is 115 years old. It’s small. Impossibly small, only able to fit 25 people—30 people if they are scrawny. The church is nestled in Appalachia, and looks like a postcard.
The Young Shepherd
The day is Christmas. The era is ancient. The tiny farming village is located 50 miles from the big city, deep within the Apennine foothills. A young shepherd is guiding a flock of sheep down mainstreet. He’s talking to the sheep like they are people.
Hazardous Holiday Traditions
The Associated Press published an article warning against the health hazards of using fireplaces. Yes, holiday fireplaces are cozy. Yes, they’re festive. Yes, fireplaces have existed within our hominid culture ever since Adam discovered he had no belly button. But…
Morgan’s Prayer
Dear God, I know you’re super busy. I know you have people bending your ear at Christmas. From every corner of the planet. Every second of the day. And I know how fussy people can be this time of year.
God Rest Ye Merry Columnist
A supermarket checkout line. Cheesy holiday music is playing overhead. Not the fun kind of cheesy music, but the kind once heard in Kmart á la 1973.
You Are Special
You are special. You are infinitely, unbelievably, once-in-a-septillion-years special. That’s right, I’m talking to you, one of the nine-point-two people reading this.
A Letter to My Wife
I’m going to be honest. In our two decades of marriage, I have never known exactly what our roles are. It’s never been clear to me. I’ve always been confused about hierarchy in our household.
The Best Christmas Movies
It’s hard to choose my favorite Christmas movie. Each time I try to pick one, I’m afraid I’ll shoot my eye out.
Christmas With The Guys
Tonight, I am playing with Three On a String for our annual Christmas tour. We will perform four times throughout the state of Alabama, singing Christmas songs, telling stories, and presenting our show to admiring crowds of dozens. Next week is Albertville. The week after that is—I don’t remember.
We Have Heard On High
It all started when Sandra was walking home from work. It was 1969. “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” was still in theaters. We landed on the moon. The top-40 hits du jour belonged to the Stones and Neil Diamond.
Almost Heaven, Charlie Brown
The snow in West Virginia clings to the world like shaving cream, covering every surface, every automotive hood, every interstate sign. In the distance, the blue Appalachians stand watch over the Mountain State, like mother hens, guarding their young.
The Tyrant of Second Grade
I was scared to death. It was my first day of second grade, and I was terrified to the point of regurgitation. “Please don’t make me go to school,” I begged my mother.
Story Time With Pajamas
All the kids were sitting criss-cross on the floor in a big hotel lobby, some sipping from paper cups of hot chocolate, most wearing pajamas.
A Special Christmas Love
She was a foster kid. Grew up in a group home. A place where you basically lived in a bunk. If you were lucky, you got to shower before the other kids drained the hot water tank.
How Amazon Stole Christmas
The Christmas season was the busiest time of year for delivery-persons. Drivers saw a major uptick in workload. This did nothing to improve John’s sunny disposition.
A Peace of My Mind
My wife and I read aloud from our little Episcopal book, standing before our Advent candles, using solemn voices. The dogs were seated around our feet, trying to interpret our human words, listening closely for words like: “Ham.”