You Suck
The email came in this morning. “Sean,” the message began. “You are a social media attention whore….” Great way to start the day.
Humor
BREAKING: Marco Rubio Appointed as Interim Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance
President Trump announced today that in the spirit of not only international relations, but also interstellar amity, he has given U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio, permission to accept the position of Interim Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance.
The Art of Making Problems Disappear Before The General Notices
I was a general’s aide-de-camp, which meant my actual job was not assisting, but intercepting stupidity before it reached flag rank. My boss lived in a world where things simply worked. Vehicles appeared complete. Schedules ran. Equipment existed. That didn’t happen by magic — it happened because several people quietly absorbed chaos so he never had to.
Ginger Bias
In light of all the negative headlines, civil unrest, and the international political upheavals, I know many of you are anxious to know what I did for National Kiss a Ginger Day. Or maybe you missed this particular holiday.
Emails from Friends
I need guidance on how to respond to these angry emailers. So, I turn to my dog, Marigold. Marigold is the most non-judgemental soul I know. I read emails aloud to her, then base my responses on her reactions.
Wine: Humanity’s Original Survival Hack (aka Liquid Sanitation with Style)
Let’s face it—if you think water is safe, congratulations, you’re probably not living in the first century. Wells and cisterns looked innocent, but sip a cup and you might as well have been drinking a smoothie of bacteria, dirt, and whatever poor soul didn’t wash their hands yesterday. People back then didn’t know about germs—they just knew that gulping down that “clear” liquid was a roll of the dice with your intestines.
How NATO Accidentally Blew Up the Yugo (and a Piece of 1980s Americana)
Remember the Yugo? That tiny, boxy, bargain-bin miracle that proudly declared, “Yes, I’m new, but no, I won’t last the winter”? For a brief, shining, oil-leaking moment in the mid-1980s, America fell in love with the world’s cheapest new car.
Blame the Pickup: If Guns Can Be Sued, Why Not Trucks?
The Islamic State didn’t cruise into Mosul in Teslas. They rolled in behind a Toyota Hilux convoy that looked like a Jiffy Lube parade gone wrong — turbo-diesel workhorses loaded with heavy machine guns and rocket pods.
The High-Tech World
Wake up. Get dressed. Remove phone from nightstand charger, put phone in pocket. Your phone dings. The phone is already notifying you about your highly sophisticated security cameras, which have just picked up movement by the neighborhood cats.
The Daisy Red Ryder: America’s Favorite Way to Almost Shoot Your Eye Out
Forget iPads, TikTok, and whatever overpriced “educational STEM toy” parents are guilt-tripped into buying today. For three generations of American kids, nothing screamed freedom, danger, and backyard glory like the Daisy Red Ryder BB gun.
America’s “Orange Army”: The Defense Nobody Budgeted For
China struts around with its Red Army. Washington struts around with the most expensive military on the planet—a force that burns through billions on drag shows at bases and PowerPoints about pronouns.
A Few Remarks
READER: I want to propose to my girlfriend, but I can’t seem to find the words, I am not a writer. Do you have any advice for me?
SEAN: ChatGPT.
BREAKING: Canada Urged to Ban Bic Lighters, Matches to Save Michigan from Smoky Summer
Hillman, MI — The skies above Michigan this week resembled the inside of a Waffle House kitchen at 2 a.m., thanks to yet another aromatic delivery of Canadian wildfire smoke, generously exported from our friendly neighbors to the north.
Don Surber’s Highlights of the Week; Making Advertisements Great Again
Once again, Don Surber is back with his weekly highlights and acerbic wit, lampooning various and sundry leftists.
The Tyranny of Our Tech Shackles: A Satirical Take on NSA Tracking Devices
Ah, the good old days when privacy was a thing, and our phones were just for making calls and playing pranks on old people… “Hello Ma’am, is your refrigerator running?”
Don Surber’s Weekly Highlights and Humor
Make sure you put your cup down and swallow your coffee before reading don Surber’s latest weekly highlights and humor.
Stirring the Gravy
With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, the celebrated comedian best known for his iconic: “You might be a Redneck if (and other topics) …” Here is my version that is devoted to those claiming Italian ancestry who participated in the annual San Marziale festivities at Holy Angels Church in Kulpmont, Pennsylvania last Sunday.
Tin Foil and Other Scarce Commodities
Alone, with a hot cup of nature’s stimulant, perusing the news releases of the day. Paper gold trading sideways (as always). Silver stuck in mid-twenties. Crypto trolls extolling the get-rich-quick virtues of their particular version of blockchain tokens. Joey Robinette mumbling something about vaccines and you know, the other latest thing he can’t remember…..
It’s 2025 and We Still Have 1-7/8” and 2” Hitch Balls? Who Hurt Us?
America: land of freedom, innovation, and baffling trailer ball sizes. We split the atom, landed on the moon, and built an internet where people argue about pineapple on pizza—but somehow, we still can’t agree on a standard trailer hitch ball.
Dear [Bad Word] Sean
Sean receives lots of reader commentary. Often he responds to them in his uniquely pithy, yet humorous way.