Citizen Writers Fighting Censorship by Helping Americans Understand Issues Affecting the Republic.
Listen up, cadets — your dusty old institution is under siege… from me, the world’s most offended armchair critic. As someone who’s never fired a rifle, never been marched at 5 a.m., and whose greatest battle was choosing between oat milk or almond at Starbucks, I hereby launch my campaign to transform West Point into Soy Boy University — the safe space you never knew you wanted.
Let’s face it—if you think water is safe, congratulations, you’re probably not living in the first century. Wells and cisterns looked innocent, but sip a cup and you might as well have been drinking a smoothie of bacteria, dirt, and whatever poor soul didn’t wash their hands yesterday. People back then didn’t know about germs—they just knew that gulping down that “clear” liquid was a roll of the dice with your intestines.
China struts around with its Red Army. Washington struts around with the most expensive military on the planet—a force that burns through billions on drag shows at bases and PowerPoints about pronouns.
Hillman, MI — The skies above Michigan this week resembled the inside of a Waffle House kitchen at 2 a.m., thanks to yet another aromatic delivery of Canadian wildfire smoke, generously exported from our friendly neighbors to the north.
Ah, the good old days when privacy was a thing, and our phones were just for making calls and playing pranks on old people… “Hello Ma’am, is your refrigerator running?”
With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, the celebrated comedian best known for his iconic: “You might be a Redneck if (and other topics) …” Here is my version that is devoted to those claiming Italian ancestry who participated in the annual San Marziale festivities at Holy Angels Church in Kulpmont, Pennsylvania last Sunday.
Alone, with a hot cup of nature’s stimulant, perusing the news releases of the day. Paper gold trading sideways (as always). Silver stuck in mid-twenties. Crypto trolls extolling the get-rich-quick virtues of their particular version of blockchain tokens. Joey Robinette mumbling something about vaccines and you know, the other latest thing he can’t remember…..
America: land of freedom, innovation, and baffling trailer ball sizes. We split the atom, landed on the moon, and built an internet where people argue about pineapple on pizza—but somehow, we still can’t agree on a standard trailer hitch ball.
I got into an argument at the supermarket. This is how volatile our world is right now. It was in the checkout line. My opponent was not only clueless, but pigheaded, refusing all logic. The fact that my opponent is only 9 is no excuse.
In the year 2050, in the glorious gray sprawl of the United Socialist States of America, meat was illegal, cows were extinct (except for the one in the Smithsonian), and the only thing anyone had ever eaten was Bugpaste™
Rocks. In. My. Garden. Those demon-possessed geological freeloaders are multiplying faster than a college feminist studies major’s pronouns.
News about Hunter Biden triggered a Saturday morning domestic debate in the Green household: Who was the most unfit person giving Gropey Joe policy advice – the First Stoner Son, or our first DEI VP?
Well, folks, it finally happened. Some mad scientist in his garage just cracked the code, and now lightsabers are real. You heard that right—Jedi-level plasma blades, humming and slicing through anything in their path, are now a reality.
If you were an unlucky young man in Babylon, Persia, or China and got recruited for palace service, chances are your job orientation included a very sharp knife and a long recovery time.
The Idiot, The Atlas, and The Algorithm is a Three-Part Satirical Series on the Glorious Decline of American Civilization. Today, Part 3: The Day America Accidentally Got Smart Again
For years, the U.S. government has quietly been conducting genetic experiments on mice, changing their DNA in ways that would make even Mary Shelley raise an eyebrow.
The Idiot, The Atlas, and The Algorithm is a A Three-Part Satirical Series on the Glorious Decline of American Civilization, Today: Part 1: The Decline and Fall of the United States of Influencers
Once upon a time in Ukraine, a comedian rose to fame playing a bumbling everyman who becomes president in a feel-good TV satire.
In the grand tradition of uniquely stupid American ideas, the 1990s gifted us a real gem: “If you’re smart, you go to college. If you’re not, well… enjoy your life as blue-collar swine.”
In what may be the boldest immigration policy in U.S. history, former President Donald J. Trump has just signed Executive Order 1776, ordering the mass deportation of illegal immigrants to Australia—a plan he claims is “just a little historical throwback to the good old days of the British Empire.”