The Day the Blue Dot Died

Somewhere far above the planet, an unnamed adversary (or possibly a very angry solar flare with a sense of humor) popped off an EMP that politely but firmly unplugged every satellite we’d been leaning on since the late 20th century. GPS—born in the 1970s as a military system and later handed to civilians like candy—vanished in a blink. Along with it went the internet, streaming music, weather apps, and that calm, robotic voice that had spent decades telling Americans when to turn left.

A Modest Climate Change Proposal: Melt Michigan

For decades, Democrats have run the greatest long con in meteorological history—keeping Michigan locked in a Siberian deep freeze under the guise of “saving the planet.” This is not environmentalism. This is a communist cold-storage program. A deliberate effort to stop the natural evolution of states—where Michigan obviously becomes Florida with better beer and fewer felonies.