Sweet Home Alabama, The Army-Navy Game & Southern Patriotism
Sweet Home Alabama & the Army-Navy Game: A story of a decades-old military academy rivalry coupled with good, old-fashioned Southern Patriotism.
Humor
It’s Snow Joke
The first snowfall isn’t magical; it’s a mess and always has been. Clean roads turn grimy overnight, coated with cinder, ash and salt that seemingly sticks around until April.
The Christmas Tree Lot
We arrived at the Christmas tree lot after dark. My wife and I walked the long aisles of pinery, scrutinizing each tree as though it were asking for our kid’s hand in marriage.
Emails from Friends
I need guidance on how to respond to these angry emailers. So, I turn to my dog, Marigold. Marigold is the most non-judgemental soul I know. I read emails aloud to her, then base my responses on her reactions.
Professor Timmy Demands West Point Cancel Boot Camp & Replace It With Sensitivity Training
Listen up, cadets — your dusty old institution is under siege… from me, the world’s most offended armchair critic. As someone who’s never fired a rifle, never been marched at 5 a.m., and whose greatest battle was choosing between oat milk or almond at Starbucks, I hereby launch my campaign to transform West Point into Soy Boy University — the safe space you never knew you wanted.
A ThanksGathering
Each Veterans Day weekend, a gathering of Army friends–bound by service, stories, laughter, and tradition–reminds us that shared rituals and gratitude knit together the history and heart of every community.
Wine: Humanity’s Original Survival Hack (aka Liquid Sanitation with Style)
Let’s face it—if you think water is safe, congratulations, you’re probably not living in the first century. Wells and cisterns looked innocent, but sip a cup and you might as well have been drinking a smoothie of bacteria, dirt, and whatever poor soul didn’t wash their hands yesterday. People back then didn’t know about germs—they just knew that gulping down that “clear” liquid was a roll of the dice with your intestines.
How NATO Accidentally Blew Up the Yugo (and a Piece of 1980s Americana)
Remember the Yugo? That tiny, boxy, bargain-bin miracle that proudly declared, “Yes, I’m new, but no, I won’t last the winter”? For a brief, shining, oil-leaking moment in the mid-1980s, America fell in love with the world’s cheapest new car.
Q & A, and Me
Sean takes some time out to answer reader questions. As in anywhere else in life, don;t ask a question about which you’re not prepared to recieve all possible answers.
Blame the Pickup: If Guns Can Be Sued, Why Not Trucks?
The Islamic State didn’t cruise into Mosul in Teslas. They rolled in behind a Toyota Hilux convoy that looked like a Jiffy Lube parade gone wrong — turbo-diesel workhorses loaded with heavy machine guns and rocket pods.
Belgian Beer Run
When you spend enough time as a general’s aide-de-camp, you learn two things: first, generals are human; and second, there are certain things you just keep to yourself.
War Stories: The Beer Runs to SHAPE
Those were the cool days—the kind of small adventures you could still get away with back then. A snowstorm over the Ardennes, a borrowed BMW, and a rucksack full of Belgian beer.
Pentagon Wars: DOW Budget Edition
Picture this: the world’s largest office building, full of America’s best and brightest, all dressed alike (but slightly different camouflage patterns) and all supposedly fighting the same enemy. Except the enemy wasn’t foreign. It was our brother
The Day “Warrior Companion” Broke the Army: Iraq 2009-2010
Leave it to bored NCOs in Iraq — a handful of clever sergeants with too much time and just enough sarcasm managed to send the entire U.S. Army chasing its own tail with two little words: Warrior Companion.
America’s “Orange Army”: The Defense Nobody Budgeted For
China struts around with its Red Army. Washington struts around with the most expensive military on the planet—a force that burns through billions on drag shows at bases and PowerPoints about pronouns.
A Few Remarks
READER: I want to propose to my girlfriend, but I can’t seem to find the words, I am not a writer. Do you have any advice for me?
SEAN: ChatGPT.
These Boots Were Made for Texting
How I ended up walking into a sliding glass door in a supermarket is pretty simple. I got a text from my wife. I looked at my phone to read the message and, WHAM! Goodbye nasal cartilage.
Virginia: Where the Speed Limit Is 55, but the Toll Limit Is Whatever We Feel Like
Welcome to Virginia’s I-66 Express Lanes—America’s first state-sanctioned, algorithm-driven wallet vacuum. You thought price gouging was illegal? Ha! Not if you slap a “traffic congestion management” label on it and let a computer do the dirty work.
BREAKING: Canada Urged to Ban Bic Lighters, Matches to Save Michigan from Smoky Summer
Hillman, MI — The skies above Michigan this week resembled the inside of a Waffle House kitchen at 2 a.m., thanks to yet another aromatic delivery of Canadian wildfire smoke, generously exported from our friendly neighbors to the north.
You’ll Never Leave the Airport Alive
It was the third time my flight had been delayed on the same day. I was alone. I had been trapped inside the Fayetteville airport since the dawn of the Industrial Revolution.