Humor

Anus and Genital Rashes: Fox News, Big Pharma, and the Breakfast-Time

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I turn on Fox News for the same reason a man checks the weather before he goes outside: I want to know what’s coming, and I’d prefer not to be blindsided by it. Is the world on fire? Are we at war? Did Congress accidentally pass something useful? Did somebody somewhere do something so insane it requires a full segment and a therapist?

The Art of Making Problems Disappear Before The General Notices

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I was a general’s aide-de-camp, which meant my actual job was not assisting, but intercepting stupidity before it reached flag rank. My boss lived in a world where things simply worked. Vehicles appeared complete. Schedules ran. Equipment existed. That didn’t happen by magic — it happened because several people quietly absorbed chaos so he never had to.

A Modest Climate Change Proposal: Melt Michigan

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For decades, Democrats have run the greatest long con in meteorological history—keeping Michigan locked in a Siberian deep freeze under the guise of “saving the planet.” This is not environmentalism. This is a communist cold-storage program. A deliberate effort to stop the natural evolution of states—where Michigan obviously becomes Florida with better beer and fewer felonies.

Let’s Start The New Year With A Laugh: Liberals Can Be So Entertaining

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Let's Start The New Year With A Laugh: Liberals Can Be So Entertaining

I find listening to & talking with Liberals an endless source of amusement. Granted, there are few discussions because they quickly descend into insults & threats when you ask a question the Lib doesn’t like. Here are nine short vignettes of my interactions with Liberals since businessman Donald J. Trump won his first election.

Beat Navy Week Special Humor: Congress Must Investigate the Naval Academy’s Boofing Epidemic

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For decades, Americans have trusted the United States Naval Academy to produce the second finest officers ever to run aground in shallow water. But troubling new reports suggest that midshipmen may be engaged in an old Navy pastime that predates modern refrigeration, nuclear propulsion, and personal dignity.

Professor Timmy Demands West Point Cancel Boot Camp & Replace It With Sensitivity Training

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Listen up, cadets — your dusty old institution is under siege… from me, the world’s most offended armchair critic. As someone who’s never fired a rifle, never been marched at 5 a.m., and whose greatest battle was choosing between oat milk or almond at Starbucks, I hereby launch my campaign to transform West Point into Soy Boy University — the safe space you never knew you wanted.

Wine: Humanity’s Original Survival Hack (aka Liquid Sanitation with Style)

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Let’s face it—if you think water is safe, congratulations, you’re probably not living in the first century. Wells and cisterns looked innocent, but sip a cup and you might as well have been drinking a smoothie of bacteria, dirt, and whatever poor soul didn’t wash their hands yesterday. People back then didn’t know about germs—they just knew that gulping down that “clear” liquid was a roll of the dice with your intestines.